One of my favorite parenting authors is Barbara Coloroso. She describes brick-wall, jellyfish, and backbone parenting as the three basic types of families. In brick-wall families, the structure is rigid and used for control and power, which are solely in the hands of the parents. Jellyfish families, on the other hand, have almost no structure; the need for it may not even be acknowledged or understood. In backbone families, the structure is present, firm, flexible, and functional. Coloroso concludes, “Backbone families help children develop inner discipline. Even in the face of adversity and pressure, they retain faith in themselves and their potential.”

Coloroso further explains the basic characteristics of a backbone family: “Parents develop for their children a network of support through six critical life messages given every day:

• I believe in you.
• I trust you.
• I know you can handle life’s situations.
• You are listened to.
• You are cared for.
• You are very important to me.

Through love, acceptance, and encouragement, children’s sense of self is recognized, valued, and esteemed.”

As a mother of four precious souls, honoring and fostering connection is a fundamental and uncompromising value of mine. When we intentionally convey these six life messages to our children daily, we cultivate connection.

Consider the challenging situations that can arise in parenting. When you are in the "hot seat” and need to take action, are you able to parent with these six life messages in mind? Standing calmly in the face of challenges while relaying these six critical life messages is an extremely powerful and effective way to help children cultivate resilience and coping skills for managing future situations.

It’s important to remember that we are always on the radar. Our children are constantly scanning and interpreting our behaviors, especially when we are in difficult situations. What they experience becomes bits of information that they interpret and translate to make sense of their world. How are we supporting our children when the going gets tough? It's definitely something to think about.

References:

• Pg 21 Kids Are Worth It - Barbara Coloroso
• Pg 35 & 36 Kids Are Worth It - Barbara Coloroso