Becoming a parent is the most significant and transformative journey I’ve ever experienced (and thank Gd, continue to experience). It fills the soul and fuels the heart, offering moments of pure joy, connection, and wonder like nothing else. It is also a daily, ever-evolving challenge that keeps us learning, growing, and adapting. This journey, often marked by moments of fear and uncertainty, holds the potential for life-changing benefits: Quiet nights for our children, restful sleep for the entire family, and a deeper sense of fulfillment as we build a loving, rewarding bond from day one.
Sometimes though, parenting can feel like a series of SOS calls, especially when sleep disruptions, stress, or unexpected challenges arise. In these moments, we have the opportunity to transform from reacting to these crises (SOS) into becoming a steady Source Of Stability for our children. By embracing these core principles—clarity and alignment within our family values and differentiation, we can move from feeling overwhelmed by the chaos to creating a grounded, fulfilling approach to how we choose to show up in situations. Let’s explore each one together.
Clarity of Values: Prioritizing Relationships with Intention
Understanding our values helps us stay true to what matters most in the relationships we cherish. Instead of seeing relationships as values (family, etc...), we can list our relationships and then define how we want to show up in our relationships (our guiding values) separately. This clarity allows us to act with intention within each relationship.
Attachment expert *Stan Tatkin advocates for a natural relational hierarchy: prioritizing our relationship with ourselves, then strengthening our partnership, and finally fostering our relationship with our children. This order strengthens our ability to be present and resilient, modeling healthy relationships for our children. Children primarily learn about relationships through observation and imitation. So, what are they observing in our relationship with ourselves and with others (especially our partner(s))? When we invest in self-care and our partnerships, we naturally bring a grounded calm to our parenting, offering our children a model of stability. Through this, they gradually develop their internal Source Of Stability (SOS).
Values Tip: Write down your core values and separately list your relationships, starting with yourself. Reflect on how each value strengthens your family’s foundation and supports balanced, prioritized connections. Notice, too, how you prioritize relationships. Are your relationships in line with natural hierarchy?
Differentiation: Staying Steady, Even When They’re Not
Differentiation, a concept explored in The GPS Within, is the ability to maintain our own calm and clarity, even when others feel overwhelmed or disagree with us. It’s about not letting our emotional well-being depend on everyone else being “okay.” Imagine yourself as an anchor in choppy waters—steady and supportive, guiding without being swept up in every wave.
In parenting, differentiation means resisting the urge to rescue or immediately fix every situation. Instead, we are empowered to provide our children with unwavering support and stability, laying a foundation for lasting emotional resilience. By staying grounded ourselves, we convey to our children that the situation they are facing is navigable.
You, my child, may feel overwhelmed right now, but I am calm. I do not perceive the situation as you do, and I will remain centered, guiding you by modeling calm until you can meet me here. I have faith that you will succeed. I’m not tied to how long it may take or exactly what that looks like. I accept your pace and your journey, trusting that you will emerge from this stronger and more capable. I am intentionally modeling calm. I am in the lead—breathing, centered, and confident—and I trust that by anchoring to me, you can, and eventually will, follow.
It’s not always easy, but I remind myself that my child is not only looking to me for guidance but also seeking reassurance that everything is and will be okay. This awareness motivates me to stay grounded in the moment, and I am grateful for this opportunity to show them the way.
Sleep Tip on Differentiation: Practice pausing before reacting. Observe your child’s emotions without rushing to soothe or fix. Also, observe your emotional state. Take a deep breath, and tell yourself, “I notice the discomfort rising in me, and I can be with this discomfort, alongside my child, and stay centered for both me and him.”
From SOS to Source Of Stability
As parents, we have the opportunity to redefine stability—not as the absence of challenges, but as a grounded presence through them. By embracing differentiation, a growth mindset, and values-driven relationships, we shift from reacting under stress to being a steady, supportive presence for ourselves and our children. This sense of stability in us, guides our children through life’s ups and downs, helping them cultivate their own, internal Source Of Stability.
Embracing these shifts won’t make every parenting moment perfect, but it will provide us with a compass—a steady guide for navigating storms with calm and clarity. As we cultivate this inner stability, we become the anchors our children rely on, showing them how to find their strength and resilience. Ultimately, the greatest discipline we can model is self-discipline.
I’m curious to hear your thoughts—how does this approach resonate with you?
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