Embracing the Infinite Game of Sleep: A Lifelong Journey to Well-Being
Aug 18, 2023
British-born, American author, motivational speaker, and leadership guru, *Simon Sinek, introduced me to the concept of finite games versus infinite games. A finite game is a game with a clear beginning, middle, and end. Basketball is an example of a finite game. There are a set of rules, a set number of players, a clear goal, and a definite winner and loser. An infinite game is not like that at all. There are no set rules, or goals, and definitely, no winner or loser.
Parenting is a good example of an infinite game. You play for the long haul, and the rules are obsolete. There is no winner or loser, and we can’t sum up the “moves” of parenting into a predictable, repeatable, or measurable formula. The game of parenting does not have an end goal. We don’t raise our children until a certain age and then resign, put our feet up, and wave the flag of victory. We engage in the infinite parenting game until the last day of our lives. Another example of an infinite game is health. We do not mark the day that we achieve good health, and then stop exercising, eating, sleeping well, and managing our stress; it does not work that way. And if it does, then we are not playing the infinite game of health, rather the finite game of achieving a certain number on the scale, or pant size.
As a sleep consultant, I recognize that sleep is another infinite game. There are no hard endpoints. Contrary to popular belief, we don’t get to check off a box when our kids reach their supposed sleep target. It’s not about finally getting to some goal within a set amount of time, rather it is a lifelong game, that encounters ebb and flow. When we mistakenly view sleep as a finite game, our mindset and thinking become erratic, putting us on an emotional rollercoaster, feeling elated when things flow well, and stressed, frustrated, and discouraged when the flow is temporarily interrupted.
The key to being able to navigate through our lives while honoring our sleep needs is to adopt the value of sleep. Sleeping through the night once, twice, or three times is not evidence of healthy sleep habits, but rather an endpoint that marks a specific accomplishment. This hardly corresponds to a healthy lifestyle. Respecting and nurturing our body’s demands for suitable sleep, adequate nutrition, appropriate movement and plenty of love and connection are the blueprints we are striving to use. Sleep is a lifelong value that needs regular attention and intention. If yesterday we got a little less sleep, we instinctively jump on the bandwagon and get to bed earlier the next day. When our sleep, appetite, and agility are temporarily compromised due to an illness, we naturally expect them to get back on track once wellness is redeemed, if our values of sleep and health are the top priority.
When viewing our essential necessities as infinite games, we adopt an empowering and realistic mindset that fits into our world of duality. We embrace flexibility, expecting ups and downs. We anticipate challenges and get creative in finding alternate routes to protect our ever-so-important, basic needs. When we are in it for the long haul, we exhibit a sense of calm and stability, knowing that imbalance is ingrained in the sleep regime. With this bird’s eye view of what healthy sleep entails, we can stay confidently behind the wheel through the challenges, while continuously guiding our children back to wellbeing. So now that you know the difference, what game are you playing?
*The Infinite Game: How to Lead in the 21st Century-
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