Last week I wrapped up my first-ever Quiet Nights Challenge, and I have to say, it was incredible. I had the privilege of teaching, coaching, and laughing with a beautiful group of parents and grandparents from all over. We tackled big questions, worked through real sleep struggles, and shared some honest, vulnerable moments.

One of the most powerful parts of the week was watching how quickly clarity brings calm. And one moment, in particular, stood out; not just because of the transformation it sparked for one family, but because it highlights a misunderstanding I see all the time.

A mom of a sweet 10-month-old came into one of our VIP sessions feeling completely worn out. Her daughter had started teething a few weeks prior, and ever since then, their nights had fallen apart.

“It’s been so hard the last two weeks,” she shared. “She’s waking up within an hour of falling asleep, screaming. And then again at 4 a.m. It’s this terrible pain. The only thing that settles her is nursing.”

She had given some pain meds early on, but now, three weeks later, she was hesitant to continue. Still, she was convinced her daughter was suffering. She even shared her baby monitor screen with us. We watched together as her daughter suddenly sprang up 45 minutes after bedtime, crying and gnawing on her hand.

“She’s still in pain,” Mom said. “It’s the teething. It hasn’t stopped.”

It seemed like an open-and-shut case… except it wasn’t.

What Pain Actually Looks Like at Night

Here’s where the conversation took a turn. What I was seeing didn’t follow the classic “pain” pattern and I’ve seen hundreds of these.

When babies are in pain, especially teething pain, the night usually unfolds in a specific way:

• They fall asleep okay at first (because the body enters deep sleep)

• Then they start waking up frequently within the first 2-3 hours of falling asleep

• The wakings continue, often short and manageable, until one huge wakeup hits around 3–4 hours after bedtime, where nothing works, and it’s clear your child is in distress

This happens because deep sleep dominates the first third of the night. Pain is easier to tolerate in that phase. As the night progresses and sleep becomes lighter, discomfort becomes harder to manage, leading to more frequent and more intense wakings.

But in this case?
That’s not what was happening.

We had one false start; a wakeup 45 minutes after falling asleep, and then nothing until 4:00 a.m. That’s not a pain pattern. That’s a classic sleep association pattern. A child being put down too drowsy or already asleep, needing the same condition to return to sleep during the night.

A Sleep Association in Disguise

I started asking questions.
“What’s your bedtime routine like?”

Sure enough, Mom shared that her daughter was nursed in the dark, just before sleep, and then transferred to the crib while already drowsy or asleep. It had been working until 40 minutes later.

And that’s the key.

When pain shows up, we go into comfort mode, naturally. We nurse, rock, hold, soothe. And sometimes, even after the pain is long gone, the habits that returned during that time stay. The child isn’t crying from pain anymore; they’re crying because they’ve learned to fall asleep with that specific help, and now they don’t know how to do it without it.

The big clue in this case was the baby’s ability to fall back asleep and stay asleep. I kept the conversation going a bit, giving space and asking more questions, and sure enough, within minutes, the baby lay back down and was fast asleep. No medicine. No nursing.

Just sleep.

Want to learn more about how sleep associations form and how to gently shift them? I break it all down in this YouTube video:

📺 Watch: Why Your Baby Wakes Up the Second You Put Them Down

This short video explains exactly why babies wake after being transferred to the crib and how you can set them up for smoother, independent sleep.

👉 This is exactly the kind of shift we aim for inside the Quiet Nights Challenge. Because when we stop guessing and start understanding, we help our kids, and ourselves, more effectively.

So How Can You Tell the Difference?

Here’s what I taught during our trouble-shooting session inside the challenge, and it’s something you can use right now.

Pain at night usually looks like:

• Several small wakings within the first few hours of sleep

• One big, inconsolable wakeup generally following before midnight

• Difficulty settling even with your usual comfort tools

• Increased clinginess or sensitivity during the day

• Lower appetite, especially for solids

• Clear changes in mood or energy levels 

Sleep associations look more like:

• One “false start” about 30–60 minutes after bedtime

• Long stretch of sleep until a key moment (e.g. 4am)

• Quick settling with the original sleep crutch (nursing, rocking, pacifier)

• Normal daytime behavior and appetite

• A pattern that persists even after pain should’ve passed

👉 If you're unsure what you're seeing, come join us in the next Quiet Nights Challenge. I’ll help you troubleshoot what’s going on in real time, so you can move forward with confidence, not confusion.

The Fast Shift That Changed Everything

Once Mom saw what was actually happening, we made two small changes:

1. Moved the nursing earlier in the routine, away from the “falling asleep” moment

2. Helped baby learn how to fall back asleep at 4 a.m., with Mom now certain she wasn’t in pain

Two nights later, her daughter was sleeping 11.5 hours through the night. No meds. No second-guessing. No prolonged tears.

The baby didn’t change; the understanding did.

Compassion Doesn’t Mean Confusion

I want to say something here that I know many parents need to hear:

Sometimes, our compassion gets tangled in confusion. And when that happens, we start reacting instead of responding, unsure whether we’re comforting or just repeating a habit.

It’s not wrong to respond to your child. But sometimes our love and worry get tangled up in second-guessing. Learning how sleep really works gives you confidence and your child the rest they need.

That’s why I teach. That’s why I guide. That’s why the Quiet Nights Challenge exists. Because learning how sleep actually works gives you clarity, and clarity makes you a stronger, more confident parent.

👉 If you're ready to stop guessing and start knowing what your child really needs at night, come join me for the next Quiet Nights Challenge. Four days of powerful teaching, live coaching, and real transformation. You can learn more and sign up here.

https://www.doritshoshani.com/4-Day-Challenge