We find ourselves stuck — nothing is working, no matter how hard we try. Frustration rises, we push harder, and the resistance only grows. This dance is normal, but it doesn’t serve us, and it doesn’t help us move forward.

Many parents reach out believing their child is “strong-willed,” the method is failing, or that they’re doing something wrong. But in most cases, something very different is happening:

We tend to evaluate progress by focusing only on the outcome. This is especially true in parenting, and nothing reveals this more than bedtime. When bedtime feels chaotic, we just want it to end. It’s the end of the day, we’re exhausted, and craving a little “me” time.

We seek quiet because it gives us the outcome we want. We often don’t notice that we’ll do nearly anything to make sleep happen now, overlooking the bigger picture. The desire for immediate relief pulls us out of the lead.

In this blog, I want to offer a mindset shift that brings back calm, clarity, and confidence by turning inward — toward what is happening within us — instead of trying to force something outside of us.

And if you’re thinking, “But what about sleep?” here’s the truth: every parent-child dynamic has two parts. There is me, and there is my child. Each of us holds 50% responsibility. I am responsible for my 50%, how I show up. My child is responsible for theirs, how they respond.

Shifting my internal state, especially in real time, changes my perspective by 50%. And that is where my real power lies.

Today, I want to share a principle called "Inward/Outward Focus" from The GPS Within, a framework I co-created with my partner, Rivka Klein — an internal navigation system that helps you return to yourself, so you can respond rather than react when you feel triggered or tested.

Most of us walk through life unintentionally outward-focused:

Why is my child so defiant?
Why is bedtime such a battle?
Why is she waking again?
Why isn’t he eating?
Why is she still having accidents?

We attach our emotional stability to whatever is happening around us. When things go well, we feel great; when challenges arise, we feel defeated and blame the circumstances or the child.

But the outside world does not consider our opinion. Situations unfold whether we like it or not — and then it becomes all about how we choose to show up.

Parenting is one of our greatest teachers. We love our children deeply, and because of that love, we naturally strive to create a respectful and nourishing family dynamic. Our children become the very reason we’re willing to look inward, observe ourselves, and grow. Turning inward is the first step in reshaping the dynamic, for them, and for us. 

Inward vs. Outward Focus: The Shift That Changes Everything

Inside The GPS Within, we teach something simple but transformative: Whenever you feel stuck or stressed, you are almost certainly outward-focused. If you’re overwhelmed, resentful, anxious, exhausted, or desperate for something to “work,” you’re trying to control something that isn’t yours to control.

Inward focus does the opposite. It reconnects you to:

• your values

• your intention

• your leadership

• your ability to influence the situation

• your capacity to hold space for your emotions and your child's

Instead of fixating on what is or is not happening, you shift into:

Who do I want to be as a parent?
How do I want to show up?
Am I acting in alignment with my values?
Can I stay steady even when things aren’t going my way?

The moment you turn inward, something opens. You have agency again. You’re back in the lead. You allow the outside world to unfold, while keeping your focus on who you are being within it. This is where relief and empowerment emerge, and in this video, I explain how this inner shift becomes the turning point for so many parents: When Sleep Training Doesn't Work, and What to do Instead

Let’s take a moment to consider mealtime.

 Outward focus sounds like:

• “He’s not eating again!”

• “She refuses everything unless it’s pasta.”

• “I have to offer something else, or else she won't eat.”

This drains you. It keeps you stuck.

Inward focus sounds like:

“What do I want mealtimes to feel like in our home?”
“What nourishing foods do I want to offer consistently?”
“How do I want to show up when my child refuses dinner?”
“Can I support a positive meal experience by sitting and eating with my child?”
“Can I avoid offering snacks between meals?”
“Can I stay focused on my role while allowing my child to express their voice?”

Same situation. One keeps you powerless; the other strengthens you.

Now, Let’s Bring This Into Sleep.

Imagine your child suddenly resists bedtime after a week of progress.

Outward focus says:
“It’s not working.”
“We’re back to square one.”
“I need a new method.”
“He’s just not a good sleeper.”

You feel flustered and powerless.

Inward focus says:
“Okay, there’s resistance tonight. This is my reality.”
“Who do I want to be right now? Calm, centered, consistent, firm, and focused.”
“How do I want to lead bedtime? I’ll bring extra connection before bed.”
“What is the next calm step I can take? I’ll choose one response and stay consistent until morning.”
“Is how I’m showing up bringing me closer to the parent I want to be?”

This doesn’t erase the struggle — but it gives you your footing back.

It lets you be the calm anchor your child looks to. Night after night, that steadiness teaches their nervous system. Not the trick, not the method — you.

Whenever you feel overwhelmed at bedtime, ask yourself the SOS Questions:

1. Who do I want to be as a parent?

2. How do I want to show up in this situation?

3. Who am I becoming through these moments? Am I moving closer to who I want to be or further away?

These are your internal anchors — your SOS (source of stability). They bring you back from “HELP!” (turning outward) to yourself (turning inward), every time.

If You Want Support Putting This Into Practice, I’m hosting a new event — my 4-Day Quiet Nights Jumpstart Challenge, where we take this mindset work and apply it directly to your child’s sleep, with live teaching, guidance, and one simple action step each night. Join me through the link above.

When sleep feels impossible, it isn’t because you’re failing. It’s because you’ve been trained to look outward — at tonight’s outcome — instead of inward, where your true influence lives. Shift the focus, ask your SOS questions, and find yourself back in the lead. This gives you and your child a sturdy, safe, centered place to count on.